


Sense of Home

by alteirkay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College AU, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, I dont really know, Literal Sleeping Together, Warnings For Language, because of Levi, i love these two so much, levi likes to watch hange, levihan - Freeform, so that’s my excuse for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23132992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alteirkay/pseuds/alteirkay
Summary: Levi sighs. He wants to say something back. He really does. But he makes the mistake of looking into her eyes and decides to just let this one go. Because looking at Hange Zoe is never a good idea. It hasn’t been a good idea from the very beginning. Yet he looks despite himself. He stares into her deep, brown eyes which are nothing but two endless wells and thinks that maybe just maybe he would eventually find a rope to climb back to the surface.
Relationships: Hange Zoë/Levi, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias
Comments: 36
Kudos: 149





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *the title is from a song by Harrison Storm

Levi doesn’t remember the exact date of when he started to watch Hange Zoe.

In his opinion, it is all a blur. He cannot put a finger on a singular date. He thinks about the time he had first met her, it was the beginning of this year which is not that big of a throwback. She is his roommate Mike’s closest friend so it was inevitable for them to meet. Though it hadn’t been a pleasant meeting for she was eating pizza in his very own _bed_.

Saying that Levi was pissed off would be an understatement. He was about to lose his fucking mind at the sight which would normally make anyone else run without even daring to stare back once. Well, Hange hadn’t. She hadn’t even care.

Levi wonders now if this is the reason why he watches her almost every moment. Like finally he has met someone to dare ignore Levi Ackerman and it has fascinated him enough to watch that person like a freak for like what? Five or six months almost. Levi hadn’t thought that his last year in college would be spent as it is. What is he? A goddamn pervert? This shouldn’t be fucking legal. 

But Levi stares, mostly because Hange never notices, ever. She is always too preoccupied with her books, researches or experiments that she is not even aware of the fact that she is being watched by one of her friends. Levi had thought of the possibility of Hange noticing but simply doesn’t care but when he gets closer to her she always jumps from her place like she has invisible fucking wings so it’s how Levi is persuaded that she basically doesn’t know. And he is not very sure about how to feel about this fact. What if it wasn’t him and someone else. Someone who would hurt her she wouldn’t notice because of her damn books and then...

Levi grits his teeth, he doesn’t want to think about his time behind fucking bars at this stage of his life.

But well, probably he doesn’t have the right to watch her either. She is one of his closest or only friends and he doesn't want to ruin it. Yet it is hard not to look because there is something very unique about Hange Zoe. Like when she reads a book and learns something which actually blows her mind she gasps, holds her breath and stops for a moment, mouth agape looks at the page. It lasts for a few seconds then she remembers that she actually needs to fucking breathe, she quickly grabs a pen and notes down whatever the hell has captured her attention.

Or when she thinks out loud and laughs by herself like a freaking mad woman. Or when she looks serious which is very rare, but it generally when she reads or watches the news. It takes a whole day for her to return to her usual self. Levi doesn’t like that mood.

Or it is times like this when she just sits cross-legged and reads under the shadow of the tree planted on their campus’ garden. Levi watches her from a distance while smoking his cigarette. She reads with utmost cautiousness, and with a slight frown in her eyebrows while chewing her lower lip. She also almost invisibly swings which makes Levi snort softly. Only she can focus enough to teeter unconsciously.

He takes the last breath from his cigarette and after putting it out throws it to the trash-can. One of the things about watching Hange is that it is never enough on its own. He feels the need to go and talk or listen to her after a while. Levi doesn’t really fucking know what the hell is wrong with him. Maybe the cold weather has broken something inside of him. He has never liked it anyway.

So he walks closer to Hange and just as he has predicted she doesn’t notice him until he sits down next to her.

“Hey,” he says flatly.

She startles a little but after noticing that it is just him, smiles widely. “Hey, Levi! I’m so glad that you came. I’ve just learnt something amazing. Do you wanna hear it?”

“No,” says Levi but Hange continues like he had never even spoken.

“So, apparently since our body is composed of the four elements, in Middle Ages they thought that the diseases are due to the imbalance of one or more of those elements. I quote,”

“Why do you even ask,” mutters Levi while Hange turns to her book to read it aloud.

“‘A man’s body was conceived as being composed of the four elements, earth, water, air and fire in due proportions. _Earth_ was thought to be cold and dry, _water_ cold and moist, _air_ hot and moist, _fire_ hot and dry. Diseases were thought to be due to an imbalance in one or more of these qualities. A man’s character could be roughly defined by reference to them, and their proportion decided his ‘humour’, a _sanguine_ man was held to be hot and moist, which gave him the character of being a laughing, amorous, high-coloured, fleshy and good-natured, with many desires and capacities. A _choleric_ man was thought to be hot and dry. There were also _melancholy_ men (cold and dry) and _phlegmatic_ men (cold and moist).’”*

She looks at Levi with that big, stupid grin and eyes shining like a midday sun. “Isn’t it amazing? It totally changed the perspective I see people. I mean being hot has a completely different meaning now.” She laughs at her own words and Levi doesn’t know why it is still weird to him to see how she can be happy even with something as silly as that.

“You do know that this is just some Middle Ages bullshit, right?”

“It is not bullshit, Levi. Can’t you find which category you fit in?” She wiggles her eyebrows and Levi rolls his eyes.

“I’m not playing your stupid game.”

“Oh, come on. You are obviously a _phlegmatic_. Cold and moist. I think it fits you quite well.”

“Tch.”

“And what about me? I’m a _sanguine_ it is pretty obvious. Look what it says about them, ‘laughing, amorous, high-coloured, with many desires and capacities.’ This is basically me! Hot and moist.”

“I don’t know about the hot part,” Levi says just to irritate her.

It works. She throws him a dirty look. “Well, what do you know? You enemy of science.”

“This is not science, Hange. This is just old-fashioned physic.”

Hange narrows her eyes. She looks at him from above her glasses which are currently positioned at the very edge of her nose. Levi would never say it out loud but it does give her a scary look.

“What about Mike?”

“What?”

“Tell me, which one do you think fits Mike the most?”

“I’ve just told you—”

“Tell me, Levi.”

Something in her voice and the very scary look she continues to give him stops him from protesting anymore. He simply sighs between his greeted teeth and thinks about Mike. _Jesus_.

“He is... I don’t know, _melancholy_ maybe?”

“No,” Hange directly opposes him. “He is silent but that doesn’t mean he is sad all the time. You are very bad at observing aren’t you Levi?” She gives him an oh-so-fake smile and blinks her eyes rapidly.

He hates it.

“Well, pray fucking tell me then. Which one is it?”

“ _Choleric_. He has a quick temper. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed since he almost kicked your ass for good when you ate his cakes.”

“I didn’t know they were his,” Levi hisses. God fucking dammit. Why the fuck had he come here in the first place? Damn him and his uncontrollable fucking hormones.

“Still,” she says and grins.

“You are fucking annoying,” Levi says meaning every single word.

“And you are a little, grumpy man with no tastes in life. It is only fair.”

Levi sighs. He wants to say something back. He really does. But he makes the mistake of looking into her eyes and decides to just let this one go. Because looking at Hange Zoe is never a good idea. It hasn’t been a good idea from the very beginning. Yet he looks despite himself. He stares into her deep, brown eyes which are nothing but two endless wells and thinks that maybe just maybe he would eventually find a rope to climb back to the surface.

* * *

Two weeks later Levi starts to study day and night due to the approaching midterm exams. His grades have never been too low but unlike Hange he needs to actually study to get higher notes. Not everybody is born a fucking genius after all. And also because this is his last year in the college he doesn’t want to risk his graduation.

It is almost 12 am on Thursday when he is in his room studying under the yellow light of his desk lamp. Mike is lying in his bed while waiting for his phone to open because it had died when he was taking a shower. No matter what Hange says Levi thinks he is lucky to have Mike as his roommate. He is quiet, tidy and doesn't disturb him when he is busy. His only absurdity is his habit of sniffing every damn object. It is fucking weird but nothing in his life is normal anymore, so he is used to accepting it by now.

There is a soft knock on their door but Levi doesn't bother to get up and open it. Mike has nothing else to do anyway. He hears him moving from where he is lying and the sound of the door opening. Levi doesn't know who would come here in this hour of the night but doesn't care either. He is pretty sure it has nothing to do with him. Probably Mike's girlfriend has come to take him out. It is not anything that hasn't happened before.

"Hey Mike," says a female voice but unlike his predictions, it does not belong to Nanaba.

The speed of Levi dropping the pen and getting up from his chair surprises even him.

"Hange?" Mike says, confused. Levi goes to stand beside him. He sees Hange looking a little bit sheepish in front of their door. His stomach twists nervously.

"What happened?" He acts before Mike or Hange can even say anything else. He doesn't like the veiled concern in his voice but he cannot help it. It is not like her to come here without either of them knowing it.

"There is nothing to worry about," she says as if she has sensed the tension from both males’ faces. "Can I come inside?"

"Of course," Mikes steps aside and Hange comes in. Levi closes the door and waits for her to fucking say something.

"It is Nanaba," she says looking at Mike. "I couldn't reach either of you so I had to come."

Levi almost asks how she couldn’t reach him but then he remembers that he had shut his phone down so that it wouldn't distract him while he was studying.

"What happened to Nanaba, Hange? Can you be more specific?" As understood from his tone Mike starts to get angry. Levi understands yet he frowns nevertheless at his attitude towards her.

"Okay, okay," Hange raises her hands as if to defend herself. "I told you it is nothing to worry about. But she is having nightmares, again and I don't know what to do." She gives a weary breath. "I think she needs you right now."

Mike doesn't wait for another second to go to take his phone and grab his coat from inside his closet. Hange stops him when he opens the door and gives him her keys. "You can give them to me tomorrow."

"Thanks," says Mike and then he is gone the next second.

Levi looks at Hange after closing the door, who is extraordinarily silent at the moment. Levi scowls and gets a little closer to her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just...” she sighs and moves her hand through her dishevelled hair which in the end makes it even messier. “She has been having nightmares since our first year in college. So she had started to take some help from a therapist, and it had stopped for a while. Now started again. I don’t know, I’m just worried about her.”

Levi knows how shitty it is to have nightmares, so he can sympathize with Nanaba. He wonders what causes her to constantly having bad dreams. “Do you know why she is having nightmares?”

Hange shrugs. “I think it’s something about her father but I’m not so sure. She has never told me the details.”

Levi hums understandingly and decides to change the subject. “You’re gonna stay here tonight?”

“Yeah, I think so.” She adjusts her glasses and looks at him questioningly. “Would that be a problem for you?”

“Why would that be a problem for me, Shitty-glasses? Unless you snore in your sleep. I would kick your ass out then.”

Hange laughs. “I’m pretty sure I don’t snore.”

She takes off her coat and after putting it on Mike’s desk walks to his bed. Levi turns away from her to go back to his study. But after he sits down he realizes that the lamb will be open for a few more hours while Hange is sleeping. He doesn’t exactly have a choice but decides on asking her whether it would disturb her or not. “Hange, I’m going to study so the light will be on. Would that be okay—”

_Oh._

_So, this is unexpected._

“Yeah, it’s okay.” Hange waves her hand to emphasize her words. “I’m used to it. Nanaba can never sleep with the lights off anyway.”

Levi cannot respond for he is fucking busy watching her because he sees her with her hair down and without her glasses for the first time. Her brown hair is bushy and longer than he had imagined it to be. It is a little under her shoulders and despite its messiness, it seems surprisingly clean and soft. Her eyes glitter even with the shallow, yellow light and her eyelashes are thick and long and Levi realizes that he hasn’t been fucking breathing for a few seconds.

“Good,” he says in a perverse tone and looks away from her feeling the tip of his ears are burning. _Fucking hell_.

Even if Hange realizes his tone she doesn’t make a comment on it. He hears the rustle of the sheets and when he dares a look towards her direction from the corner of his eye he sees that she is under the covers already. Hence, he turns back to his papers and books and tries to erase her image from her mind while trying to concentrate again.

It is going to be hell of a long night.

* * *

When Levi lies down in his bed to sleep, it is almost 3 am. The yellow light is still on so he watches her sleep, lips parted slightly and shoulders moving with steady breathes. Sleep never comes easy to him but when it does it is so very rarely peaceful. Mostly it is full of fragmentary nightmares which none of them ever has a specific end and he doesn’t remember the plenty of them when he wakes up. Tonight he feels tired enough to sleep but he doesn’t want to. She had come here because she didn’t know what to do when her best friend was having a nightmare. What if he would wake her up because his damn nightmares decide to hunt him down again? Which in fact is not even a low possibility. But he is tired and even the light he didn’t turn off doesn’t stop his eyes from closing. Eventually, he sighs defeatedly and lets the sleep creep under his conscious.

* * *

As he predicted earlier, his dreams are haunted again with the ghosts of friends that are lost to time, lost to life a long time ago yet are not forgotten still. There is no remedy, no way out of this burning hell inside of his head. Full of sound and fury, agony and death.

He wakes up, breathless and sweaty. Heart pounding loud and fast. His eyes adjust to the light that is still on and realizes that his hands are shaking a little and that he is not alone in his bed.

"Levi," whispers Hange, her hand is on his shoulder. She must have been shaking him to wake up.

"Hange?" He is trying to catch his breath so his voice is also barely a whisper.

"Hey," she says softly. "You were having a nightmare, right?"

He closes his eyes. This is exactly the reason why he hadn’t want to sleep. "Shit," he says. “Sorry, I woke you up."

"No, it's okay," she says because of course, she is Hange Zoe. As long as others are concerned everything is okay with her even if she has just woken up due to Levi's shitty sleeping problems.

"What did I do? Scream?" Levi opens his eyes to look at her and now that his mind is in a state of cleanness he realizes that her glasses are still off and hair down. The colour of her eyes is a shade darker with the light inside of the room but they are still more expressive than Levi has ever been in his whole life.

Hange shakes her head. "No you were mumbling something, some names," she says timidly.

Levi sighs wearily and looks at the ceiling. This is nothing he hasn’t expected to happen. Probably it is his every night routine he does subconsciously. Although Mike has never mentioned him or asked him about it Levi is pretty sure he mumbles their names if not scream or talk loudly. Hange must have a rather light sleep having heard him mumbling.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hange asks after a moment of silence passed between them. Levi eyes her, notices the hidden curiosity behind the brown pupils yet considerate too like she is prepared for him to reject her.

He, in fact, has to reject her. This isn’t about Hange. He has never liked to talk about his nightmares. It is more unpleasant to remember and feel each torturous moment. “No,” he says but his voice is gentle. He knows she means nothing selfish.

Hange nods, understandingly. He expects her to go now and turn back to sleep. But Hange stays, her eyes stare into an invisible spot and it is almost like he can hear the sound of her brain. She is thinking incredibly loudly.

“Oi, Hange.” Levi nudges her side. “I’m okay now. Go back to sleep.”

Thereupon Hange looks at him but her eyes are still unfocused and pensive. Levi waits patiently for her to tell whatever the hell is crossing her wicked brain.

“Can I stay here tonight,” she spits just when Levi has about to lost his fucking temper.

“You are,” he says, confused but doesn’t reflect it to his voice.

“No, I mean...” She pauses which lasts only for a second. “Can I stay here, with you?”

“What?” He is clearly confused now. Also, his fucking ears are feeling hot again. “Why?”

“I want to try something,” she says. Her voice is steady and calm but even with the dim light, he cansee the slight blush in her cheeks nonetheless. The awkwardness of the moment is so irrelevant and almost irritating that he feels like a fucking teenager again.

“I am not a goddamn subject, Hange.”

“I know, Levi.” She rolls her eyes. “I just want to see if it works. You have this problem always, right? Like Nanaba. Maybe knowing someone is beside you would help?” She shrugs. “We can give it a try.”

Levi narrows his eyes hating that he is already considering the idea. “Why do you even care anyway?”

“I care about my friends.” Hange shifts like Levi not opposing her directly is answer enough. Yet he doesn’t stop her whereas she goes under the covers and lies facing him. He turns to her, faces only inches away from each other. He can very much feel in his fucking bones that this is not, not even a little bit a good idea. But going against the gravity is unfeasible so is denying Hange.

“Why did you leave the light on?”

“I don’t know,” he lies watching her eyes, the way she puts her hand under her chin, the light shadow in her hair, the shape of her weird yet characteristic nose and the still but barely visible blush in her cheeks. He doesn’t know indeed. “I forgot.”

“Do you want me to turn it off?”

“No, don’t bother.”

“Okay,” she whispers. She stares at him with that big, bright eyes and Levi feels like his chest is full of water because the fucking pressure is maddening. He thinks there are no words that can do justice to her eyes.

Surprisingly enough, his eyelids become heavier with each second and it gets harder to keep them open. He lets them close for a moment and that’s when he feels her hand going through his hair. Brushing his bangs back in such tenderness of which Levi has forgotten the meaning a long time ago.

It is at this rate that he cannot open his eyes back. He lets her hand move through his still sweaty hair and even though it makes him uncomfortable he doesn’t have the will nor the power to stop her.

She touches her neck lightly. “You are all sweaty,” she whispers.

“Yeah, no shit,” Levi responds without opening his eyes and makes a soundless wish for her hand to return to where it had been a few seconds ago.

Hange laughs softly but other than responding his silent wish retreats her hand. Something in his stomach doesn’t feel right. Levi thinks it is possibly disappointment yet doesn’t dwell too much on it. He doesn’t even remember the last time he had wished for anything to happen. Perhaps he has done something wrong.

 _Tch_. He thinks to himself. _What’s more to do? It is not a fucking ritual._

He forces his eyes open one last time before closing them again. “You’re gonna be here in the morning too?” He mumbles sleepily.

“I will,” says Hange without hesitation and it is that strictness in her voice that makes Levi believe her. Darkness comes slowly, conquering his mind and once again he drifts into obscurity.

* * *

Mike opens the door of his dorm room silently at 8 o’clock in the morning. 

He goes inside trying not to make a sound in case his friends are still sleeping. Neither of them is too much into sleep though. Hange always wakes up early and Levi, well, Levi mostly doesn’t even sleep. Still, he moves as silently as he can.

He takes the keys Hange has given to him last night and turns his head to his bed in which Hange is sleeping. But she is not there. Mike thinks that maybe she has already gone to the laboratory or a class. So he will have to give the keys later. But then again she had been wearing pyjamas, even Hange cannot go to a class wearing sleeping clothes.

And then he turns to look at Levi’s bed and that’s when he gets every answer to all of his questions, including the whereabouts of Hange who is very much peacefully sleeping on Levi’s chest at the moment.

Mike’s mouth hangs open at the sight. _No fucking way,_ he thinks, clearly shocked.

Levi takes a deep breath in his sleep and Mike prepares himself for him to wake up and takes a step back. Yet Levi doesn’t wake up. Instead, he tightens his arms around Hange and buries his nose in her hair. Hange in the meantime mumbles something that is inscrutable and moves her head slightly as if to make herself more comfortable in his chest.

Mike feels like he is going through an existential crisis.

“Oh my fucking god,” he whispers. “What the fuck is this?”

His jaw starts to hurt because it had been open for a damn long time. So he decides that the best he could do right now is to get the fuck out of here before either of them wakes up. But not without taking a couple of photos. Nanaba needs to see this.

He takes his phone out of his pocket and after making sure that his phone is on vibrant takes a couple of photos. He grins to himself. There is no way he will let Levi see them but he might show them to Hange later. It would be fun to watch the shape her face will make.

He leaves Hange’s keys on the bedside table beside Levi’s bed. Also, he realizes that Levi’s desk lamp is still on and he turns it off. He needs to change his clothes but that would probably stir them. He can come during the day to do so. Now he has to go. So just as he had come in he walks tiptoe and leaves the room and the couple in the bed, silently.

* * *

Levi opens his eyes to the brightness in his room and a heaviness in his chest. He blinks his eyes a few times until he is fully awake and his vision becomes clear. He looks down to see the reason why his chest is so fucking heavy -because he remembers it hadn’t been when he had slept a few hours ago- and deep brown hair comes into his sight.

He is not even a tiny bit surprised that they ended up like this. Well, there is a first to everything and Levi fucking Ackerman cuddling with, _oh dear God_ , with Hange Zoe is a damn first indeed.

“I fucking knew this wasn’t a good idea,” he whispers in order not to wake her up. He lifts his right hand a little hesitantly and brushes a few strands of hair which had fallen on her face back lightly. She sighs in her sleep. Her face is tranquil like she has fallen asleep on a feather bed. Shoulders moving in a steady rhythm synchronized with her breaths. Levi frowns when he realizes that he is once again watching her almost shamelessly. He looks away. He doesn’t think that having her this close to him is good to his health. Because his heartbeats in an odd way, his stomach feels like its upside down and his blood runs faster in his veins. And he thinks that _no, no this isn’t good at all_. However, he doesn’t want her to wake up, for her to go away, to leave. He wants to keep her there. Snuggled in his side, her warm breath like a fresh wind in his skin and her warmth as a reminder that she is alive, he is alive and that is all he should have to keep on living.

He runs his hand through her hair. Funny that he had always thought her hair as filthy. Now he enjoys the feeling of her hair between his fingers, and the fresh smell of shampoo filling his nose.

“It did work, by the way, Four-eyes,” Levi says. “I haven’t seen a single nightmare.”

Hange stirs as if she had heard him speak. Levi waits for her to fully wake up and to digest the position she is in. He doesn’t think she had planned on ending up like this when she had presented him the idea. As a matter of fact, her body tenses. Levi can feel the bewilderment going through her. After the first shock is overcome though she tries to get up. Yet tightening his arms, Levi doesn’t let her go.

“Stay,” he says. “For a little while.”

After that, she gradually relaxes despite the fact that she doesn’t make a comment on their current situation. Her reticence is so out of character that it surprises Levi. He guesses, then a little intimacy shuts her up.

He keeps on playing with her hair and doesn’t know how much time had passed whilst they lie there lazily, in peaceful silence, with only the sounds of their calm breathing.

“I have a class,” Hange speaks eventually, murmurs rather. Her voice is still sleepy.

Levi hums acknowledging but still not making any movement to release her. Hange tilts her head backwards to look at him. He responds to her stare. “What?” He asks when she doesn’t say anything.

“Nothing.” Her eyes are now lighter with the sunlight creeping in his room. She smiles and Levi doesn’t see any reason for her to do so. Yet he drinks the image like it is a fucking bottle of water. “Who would’ve thought that you were good at cuddling?”

“Shut up,” he growls. “Or I will fucking throw you off the bed.”

Her smile widens and she replaces her head in his chest again. “Then I will just have to take you down with me.”

This must be the fucking day of apocalypse for Levi feels a goddamn smile tucking in his lips. He just thanks every force in the universe that Hange doesn’t see it.

They lie there for a few more minutes. Levi knows it is getting late, they both have classes so they have to get up now. Just as he is about to say this to Hange, her body stiffens again and she shots herself up so fast that Levi is taken aback.

“What the hell, Hange?”

Rather than responding to him she leans over his body and takes something in her hand from his bedside table. “This is my key.”

Levi wants to ask what the fuck is there to be so surprised about seeing her own key but then he recalls last night.

“Shit,” he swears when he realizes that Mike must have had seen them. Now he also realizes that the lamp he had left on is also off.

“I have to go,” Hange steps out of the bed hastily and grabs her coat. Levi sits upright too. Surely Mike seeing them isn’t a good thing but there is nothing to do about it. It doesn’t seem like a big problem for him.

“Hange?” He says when she is tying up her hair but she ignores him and puts her glasses on then turns her back to leave.

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

He gets up and follows her to the door. She opens it and turns to look at him but avoids eye contact. “Sorry, Levi I’m late to class, okay? I will see you later.”

“Bullshit, you don’t have class in another hour.”

At that, she stares at him and Levi sees how uncomfortable she looks just by standing there. Although he doesn’t fucking understand why the hell she is acting like this, he doesn’t push her any farther either.

He merely says “Okay,” in response and this time he watches her go.


	2. Chapter 2

The midterms have been over in a week. The results are yet to be announced but Levi is sure the amount of time he has spent studying has been efficient. Despite the fact that his mind has been occupied with someone else during the process. A specific someone who has been avoiding Levi for a week and a half almost.

Levi doesn’t fucking know why.

At first, he had thought that it was because of the exams. It was not unusual for Hange to shut herself down, completely drown into her books and is by all means isolated from other people. She does that. It is like a standard routine for her to do. So Levi hadn’t thought that it was not about the exams but about _him_.

The day he had noticed it, was the day after the midterm week. When he had sat down at the table where they eat lunch generally. Mike, Nanaba, Hange, Levi and very unfortunately Moblit. The guy was okay if only he would leave his very disturbing habit of following Hange each second, like he has an oxygen tube tied to her, behind. Then he would have no problem with his unfortunate existence.

Alright, back to the topic of how Levi had understood that Hange was avoiding him, well it was when she had only greeted him with a ‘Hello!’, giving him a quick glance and nothing more. She hadn’t even looked at his side twice, instead talked to Moblit about her new whatever, interesting things and unlike she usually did, never tried to irritate or annoy him or feed him with unnecessary information. Not even once.

So yeah, that was how he understood. And it fucking pissed him off. Also, not that he would say that to anyone else, he felt like he had been rejected which is absolute nonsense because he hadn’t even asked anything. Nevertheless, that goddamn feeling was there and he hadn’t the least idea about what the hell to do with it.

He had tried to talk to her once. When he was walking down the stairs on his way to the dorms, he had seen her going up hurriedly. Probably late to class. She hadn’t noticed him but he had situated himself so that their ways would cross. She had looked up at him when he had blocked her path. It was one of the rare moments which Levi had the opportunity to look down but not up at her.

Hange appeared to be angry at first but then as she had progressed that it was Levi she looked surprised. “Levi?”

“We need to talk,” Levi had said, directly going into the topic for all of this bullshit was too much for him to take.

“Why?” Her tone was fake. Levi could tell just by looking into her eyes. She knew damn well why they needed to talk. Levi greeted her teeth at her very rhetorical question.

“You know why.”

Hange gazed around herself as if to find something to save her from this conversation. “Look Levi, I am late to class. Can we discuss this later?”

Levi took a step down so that he was closer to her face. “Stop fucking avoiding me. You think I don’t understand?”

“I’m not avoiding you!” She had said in a defending tone. He hadn’t taken any of her bullshit. The gradually visible blush had been colouring her face since the first second she had seen him.

“Don’t play the dumb, shitty-glasses.”

“I’m not—” She had started but seeing Levi’s very determined stare that he was nowhere near to believe what she had to say, she had looked away and sighed. “I just...”

“Hange!” A voice had come among the crowd going up and down the stairs. Both had searched the source of the voice until they spotted Moblit. “What are you doing? We are late.”

“Right,” Hange had said like she had woken up from a trance. “Sorry Levi, I need to go. See you later!” And without Levi had even a chance to stop her she was gone.

Levi scowls at the ceiling when he thinks about their small conversation. He had been forcing his brain to find a reasonable motive for her to act the way that she did. Is she embarrassed because Mike had seen them? But it is not like her to shy away from something. She very usually never cares about other people’s opinions about her. Yet, on the other hand, Mike is her close friend, so his opinion about her, about them might be important for Hange. What else could it be? Also, it is not like they had done something to be ashamed of. They _literally_ just slept together. It was as innocent as that. Nothing more, nothing beyond the boundaries of their friendship. Or so he thinks. He is never quite good at observing what wild tempest going on inside of her big brain. He also doesn’t exactly know shit about the way a woman experiencing things like this. Whether it is something as simple as sleeping or anything that is more intimate.

He straightens up in his bed and moves a hand through his still-damp hair. The night has been settling slowly, making a mix of deep purple and dark blue further away in the horizon. He wonders what Hange is doing right now. Very likely, she is in the laboratory studying, or in the library reading. He sighs and it is even a big wonder as to why he is busying his mind so much with her. It is like a cauldron constantly bubbling inside of his head and he can hear the witches’ high-pitched sound. Screaming, squeaking; unbearably and uncontrollably.

_Because you care._

“Mike?” He calls out to the man who is currently lying on his bed. He is going to lose his mind if he continues to just _think_.

Mike hums as if to indicate him to continue without looking away from his phone. Levi thinks this is better for he doesn’t even fucking believe he is doing this right now.

“Do you know where Hange is?”

This time he looks at Levi. Curiosity is clear in his eyes yet he doesn’t question him. “She was in the laboratory the last I spoke to her which was...” he looks at his watch briefly. “Two hours ago.”

Hange never leaves the laboratory in less than at least five hours. She is most probably still there. Levi gets up without further consideration and wears a black jacket on top of his grey hoodie.

Mike sits up in his bed. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” He takes his phone, keys and wallet.

“Okay,” Mike murmurs, he is obviously not satisfied with the answer. “You guys are good, right?”

“Well, I don’t fucking now,” Levi says while tying up his shoes. “But I’m going to find out.”

The night is tepid and the weather calm except for the occasional wind that blows roughly cool. Levi walks rapidly, hands opening and closing both sides. His brain consists of a million puzzle pieces, all of which waiting to be placed to the right places. The chaos of thoughts and possibilities. Levi knows that the reason why he is so anxious about talking to her, to find out actually what is going on is because of the fact that he doesn’t want to lose her. In favour of something more than friendship, he doesn’t want her to distance herself from him. He is aware of his feelings, he is aware that deep down he wants... what he had that morning to be a usual thing. Not something either of them would want to run away from. However, if that is not what she wants, he will not let this stupid desire to destroy what he already has with her.

When he reaches the laboratory, Hange is indeed still there. Levi does not immediately go inside. He stops at the door and leans against the door frame making sure that the shadows are hiding him. Hange does not seem anywhere near to realize him though. She is busy with the microscope in front of her. Looking through the lens with her one open eye, her glasses are placed at the top of her head. She is wearing a lab coat.

A few minutes pass during which Levi stands still, silently looking at her. She examines, murmurs to herself, frowns, thinks and takes notes. Completely focused on the task at hand. Levi feels slight guilt for having to distract her from her study, but just slightly. This conversation needs to be done.

So he walks inside. He is not necessarily quiet but a focused Hange is also unwary. Only when he goes near to her and taps the lab table with his index finger does she notices him.

She gasps, eyes widening, “God, you scared me!”

“I’ve literally just walked here like a normal person,” he says flatly. “You should be more aware of your surroundings.”

Hange rolls her eyes. “Thank you for your input,” she says and eyes him briefly. “Why are you here?”

“Are you hungry?” Levi asks, blankly staring into her eyes.

Hange seems a little surprised at his question. She blinks her eyes a few times and shakes her head. “No, I’m good.”

Wrong question. Even on the age of starvation, she would not accept that she needs to fucking eat. “When did you last eat something?”

She looks at the clock and pauses, calculating. “I ate lunch.”

Levi squeezes the bridge of his nose. Turns out she is in fact on the age of starvation. “Idiot,” he sighs and throws her an exhausted stare. “Take off that damn coat. Let’s eat something if you don’t want someone to find you dead on the floor in the morning.”

“Dramatic,” she points out quietly. Levi narrows his eyes.

“Come on, I will not fucking wait for you forever.”

She looks at the papers in front of her, then the microscope and then Levi again. “But I need to finish—”

“No,” Levi cuts her off, strictly. “You are not avoiding me anymore.”

Hange opens her mouth as if to protest him once again, yet she chooses not to speak and Levi thinks he sees a slight glint of guilt in her eyes. She bites her lower lip and seems to consider Levi’s offer. “Okay,” she says at last. “You’re right we need to talk. Let’s go.”

Only then Levi realizes how tense he had been when he was waiting for her answer. He feels his muscles relax and nods shortly as he waits for her to take her lab coat off and change into her deep green raincoat. Then she looks around herself, searching for something. “Have you seen my glasses?” She asks when she couldn’t reach a result.

Levi barely stops himself from snorting loudly. He thinks about letting her search every inch of the laboratory but they don’t have time for that. “Come here,” he says instead.

She looks at him with a puzzled stare but does as she is told anyway. When she is close enough he reaches and places her glasses on their proper place. “There you go, idiot.”

Hange pauses and seems to be astonished at her own absentmindedness. It takes only one or two minutes though. Then she burst into laughter. Throws her head back while her loud and cheerful voices fill the room. Levi forces his eyes away from her when he realizes that he actually... that he actually fucking missed that voice. He turns around hiding the redness starting to gather on top of his ears and the small smile forming in his lips. 

* * *

They buy two sandwiches and beverages for themselves and sit down at one of the arbours placed inside of the campus to eat. There is pregnant silent between them. Levi knows he needs to start somewhere but he cannot put the words together properly. The puzzle pieces are still a mess inside of his head and the silence is uncomfortable. He eats and thinks, trying to form a reasonable statement. He chews, drinks, swallows and at last decides to just _fuck it_ and opens his mouth but just then Hange acts earlier than him.

“I panicked.”

Levi stares, surprised for he hasn’t been expecting Hange to even talk let alone admitting that she had panicked.

“Why?”

Hange doesn’t look at him while drinking her soda. Her eyes are thoughtful. Levi waits patiently for her to continue. “I ran away,” she says. “I know I shouldn’t have. But Mike saw us before we even had the chance to talk about what happened and I...” she trails off and sighs. “I don’t know.”

Some of the puzzle pieces finally fall into their places and Levi thinks he understands. “I didn’t know genius people were able to feel panic.”

Hange laughs and raises her index finger as if she is about to make an important statement. “As a matter of fact, we do.”

Levi snorts and takes another bite from his sandwich while thinking about what to say in response. He understands because yes they both needed to talk about it and decide what was going to happen between them first. Without the pressure of others. But he doesn’t understand why it made Hange avoid him like that. “So you decided to avoid me because you panicked?”

She gives him a sheepish smile. “Well, that is another issue.” She takes a long sip from her soda. “Okay, I’m going to tell you something.”

Levi groans. “Not again.”

“It is not some scientifically significant information that you never care to listen, grumpy. It is about me.”

Levi looks at her with a blank stare. “Well, I’m all ears then.”

Hange narrows her eyes, she appears to be deciding whether Levi is worth hearing what she has to say or not. For a moment Levi thinks she will not tell him shit. But then she clicks her tongue and starts, “When I was in my last year in high school we read a book in our literature class. _Brideshead Revisited_. Have you read it?”

“No,” he says honestly. He hadn’t actually heard of the book before.

“Well, don’t worry I will not give you any spoilers,” she assures him. “I will talk just about the two,” she raises her two fingers to emphasize her words. “characters who are more or less the main characters of the story. Okay?”

“I thought you were going to tell me something about yourself.”

“I will come to that. Are you listening or not?”

“I _am_ Hange, go on.”

“Alright.” She clears her throat and continues, “Now one of the two characters is Charles and the other is Sebastian. Keep that in mind. So when we were talking about this book in class something our teacher said about them, the two of them truly had an effect on me. I didn’t immediately understand it though. It was later when I was working for the exam that something just clicked,” she flicks her fingers. Her eyes are cloudy like she is not here, but in the past, hovering among her old memories. “Since then the way I see myself and the others, and simply everything has changed.”

“What did your teacher say?” Levi asks unavoidably feeling interested in the story.

“Well, she said that,” she stares at the rough wooden surface of the table. Her eyes are unfocused. “That the thing about Charles is that he needs to be loved. He needs someone to love him. Be it Sebastian or his mother, father et cetera. It is simply what he needs.” She plays with the canned bottle of her drink. “On the other hand with Sebastian it is different. He is... Do you remember the character types I read to you?”

It has been almost a month so he doesn’t clearly remember everything. He shrugs. “More or less.”

“He is a _sanguine_ too. Full of life and energy. He is, by all means, the opposite of Charles but I think that is what pulls them together. You know like Yin and Yang? But whatever that is not important right now,” she makes a hand gesture. “The thing is what our teacher said about him was that Sebastian loves to love. Just like Charles’ need to be loved he needs to love. He just loves everything. I mean he is going to college but he walks around with a teddybear. He loves it too. He even loves his shitty boyfriend, because it is easy for him.”

Levi watches the way her excitement illuminates her eyes even in the limited light. How her cheeks start to take the colour pink, the smile never leaving her lips. Her words sink into him one by one. He knows that she is not only talking about a fictional character.

“I figured out, that I was just like him,” she continues. “I love to love. Not just my friends or my family. I love my plants, my experiments, my books. I love nature, the world and how elaborated everything is. It was when I understand that I didn’t need anyone to love me. I was just enough because loving people is something I can control. Not something I expect from others. I think that is the issue with Sebastian as well.”

Levi cannot say anything back. He just stares and stares. He realizes that Hange Zoe is a thousand pieced puzzle herself. Complicated, and difficult to solve but at the end, where the pieces come together and fit perfectly, she is just as beautiful.

“As our beloved Van Gogh says, ‘There is nothing more artistic than loving people.’ This sums up.” She shrugs and looks away biting her lower lip. “But that morning I felt different. I felt something I was not allowing myself to feel for a very long time so I guess it scared me. And I ran away. I’m sorry.”

The air he inhales suddenly becomes heavier and his heart beats faster that is almost uncanny. He opens and closes his mouth but still cannot make any progress on talking. He doesn’t know what he is thinking too. His mind is a void and he just watches her watching him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She asks.

Levi blinks. “Like what?”

“Like you are witnessing the resurrection of Jesus Christ.”

“Tch,” he looks away and he truly wants to move his hand through his hair but he has to wash his hands first.

“Was that enough explanation for you?” She directs another question when he doesn’t answer the other one.

“Yeah...” He clears his throat. “But don’t fucking do that again. It pisses me off.”

“You just cannot stay away from me, can you?”

Levi throws her a very dirty look. “Shut the fuck up.” He rises from where he sits and collects theirs trashes on the table. “It’s getting late. We should go.”

“Okaay...”

They walk to the dorms, side by side, silently. Neither of them talks but This time the quietness is not tense or uncomfortable. He thinks about what she had told him, over and over again. He knows he will till he sees the morning sun.

Before they part Hange asks him if he wants to go to the beach with her tomorrow night.

“Why?” He raises a brow.

“No specific reason. I’ve been intending to go for some time. You can come too if you like.”

He doesn’t respond right away to consider her offer but he knows there is no need to waste his time. Not when she looks at him expectantly with that big, brown eyes of hers. Of course, he is going to say yes. “Okay.”

She lights up, literally. “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow then!”

Levi goes to his room, lays down on his bed and thinks about her and everything she had said until the early morning and only then falls asleep.

* * *

She texts him the next day an hour before the sunsets.

 _I’m waiting at the entrance of the campus. Bring your bike_ _^_^_ -H

He frowns at the message. Why the fuck does she want him to bring his bike? The weather is good and the beach is not that far away. However, he doesn’t have the energy to ask a question he will probably not get an answer to. So he takes his bike and goes to meet her.

She is waiting there, wearing dark coloured jeans, a thin grey jumper and a black denim jacket. Hair as messy as usual, framing her face and glasses on the place.

She waves at him, grinning.

“Why did you want me to bring my bike?”

She shrugs, carelessly. “I thought it would be nice.”

“And where is yours?” Levi asks suspiciously.

“I don’t have one.”

“Seriously?” Why the hell is he even surprised? “We are going on a single bike?”

“Yep,” she claps her hands. “Let’s go, captain!”

And so they do. It is not as uncomfortable as Levi expected it to be. Hange sits behind him while he rides the bike. Her hands are on each side his waist and he can feel their warmth through the thick fabric of his sweatshirt. The wind blows his hair away and he imagines her face. A calm, tender smile on her lips, face relaxed and eyes closed. The late, last strays of sunlight touching her skin, playing with the colour of her hair. He realizes then, when he rides his bike towards the beach during the sunset, with her hands on his waist and her image in his mind, that he feels peaceful and he feels _belonged_. He wonders if this is what if feels like to have a sense of home.

When they reach their destination, the sun is almost down and the sky is a shade of a darker blue. He ties the bike somewhere near the beach and they walk throughout the seashore. The sound of the waves is a nice melody in their ears, the smell of water and salt and the feeling of the sand is comforting. They walk for a while without talking. At last, when the last strays of the sun are disappeared beneath the night they sit down somewhere near the sea. The water does not touch them but the smell and the sound are even more clear.

“I love coming here,” Hange says. “It gives me a moment to just stop thinking. You know because of the rush of living we are unaware that we are breathing and we have a heart beating. Here you can remember them both.”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Her face painted with serenity. He remembers the time she was sleeping on his chest. Features peaceful and relaxed just as they are right now. “Yeah,” he says and looks away. His ribcage knots like a rope. He doesn’t want to put a name on it. He knows he needs to talk about his feelings too but he is still not very sure about how her reaction will be.

“Levi,” she says after a moment. He looks at her again though he cannot entirely see the expression in her eyes because of the lack of light. “Can I ask you something?”

He searches for any sign of what she wants to ask but without seeing her eyes clearly it is hard to tell. “Am I going to regret this?”

“Well, I hope not,” she says and even with the little light at hand, he can see the grin on her lips.

He rolls his eyes. “Okay but only one question.”

She gets silent at that. Levi frowns and waits for her to speak. She is not looking at him anymore but at her hand which is playing with the sand at the moment.

“Why are you having nightmares?” She asks at last. Hange looks up at him again, she is biting the inside of her cheek. Levi stares at her without saying a word. A wave of primitive and ancient anger bubbles up inside of him. He doesn’t like the question. But he cannot blame her to be curious about it either. She had told him something about her past last night so she deserves to hear something in return. And he is also aware of the fact that he trusts her. Doesn’t know when he started to but he does.

He looks at the sea feeling the salty wind caressing his face. “I grew up in the streets,” he starts. “Until I was fourteen years old, my life was all about dirt, hunger, cold, theft and misery. I never knew what a bed felt like, or having a stomach full or being clean. It was a shitty life, by all means.” He pauses while his mind travels back to the shattered, old and broken memories. It is always a shock to realize that remembering everything still hurts.

“Your mother?” The whispered words are timid and careful. Like she is afraid to hurt him with her voice.

“I lost her when I was six years old. Never knew my father. I never had an idea as to what a family was like. But I had two friends, they were the closest I knew as a family.”

He closes his eyes to picture their faces. It was all blurry images. Time had taken away the shape of the noses, lips and even hair. But he does remember the colour of their eyes. Bright green and kind hazel.

“I met Farlan when I was about to die, literally. I hadn’t eaten anything for days and barely drank clear water. Farlan saw me and he shared his foot with me. Although what he already had was merely enough for him.” He recalls the smell of bread and the fresh taste the cool water had left on his tongue. Farlan had smiled at him like it was the easiest thing to do. Maybe it was if they hadn’t taken it away from him. “From then on we started to hang around together. We were stealing food, I was good at it. I am never proud of what I had done but we had to survive. And so I did. Farlan found other boys too. He liked helping them. Isabel joined us a year later. She was running away from a baker because she had stolen a bread to feed not herself but the bird she had found somewhere. It was hurt and she said she wanted to heal it. We helped her hide from the baker. And she never left.”

Levi watches the reflection of the moon on the surface of the water. Takes a deep trembling breath. _Fuck_ , it has been so long since he had last talked about them. The only other person who knew about them was Erwin who is his the other closest friend. He had forgotten how hard it had been the first time he had talked about his lost friends.

“You don’t need to continue,” Hange says as if she has sensed his discomfort. “Levi, I’m so sorry for asking...”

“Don’t.” Levi cuts her off. “If didn’t want to, I wouldn’t tell you.”

She bites her lower lip. “Okay.”

Levi forcefully takes his eyes away from her face. “When we were fourteen years old, there was an _accident_. I never believed that. It was something that has been done deliberately. The owners of the shops we steal from were not happy about our existence. But they didn’t call the police to take care of us.” He greeted his teeth. The thought still fills his mind with bloody images. “There was an explosion on where we lived. A small, and a shattered shack that barely saved us from cold but it was the closest thing to home. It blew up. I was away to find some food. But Isabel and Farlan were inside. There was no way for them to make it alive.”

He hears Hange’s quiet gasp but he doesn’t look at her. The memory is old but he can still feel the anger and sorrow he had felt that day like a fresh wound. His screams, and tears while the police officers hold him back from going into the fire. He had wished that he would just die with them. To disappear in an endless void would be easier to live in endless pain.

“They...” she whispers again but he can feel the shock in her voice. “They killed children and got away with it?”

“Police and the law took the case but money talks. The case was closed, I was given to a foster family. Though they tried to send me to jail I was too little for that.” He runs his fingers through the cold sand. “I’ve been having nightmares since then. Sometimes I don’t but I can’t get proper sleep at night despite that. _Insomnia_ my therapist had said like I didn’t fucking know,” he chuckles, cheerless.

After that silence settles between them again and this time it is full of unsaid words. He can feel the tension rising from Hange’s body. She doesn’t say anything for a really long time. Lost in his memories he doesn’t understand how much time had passed.

He comes to his senses again when he feels some movement coming beside him. When he looks to see what is going on he sees Hange taking her shoes and socks off then folding the lower part of her jeans up.

“What are you doing?” He asks confused.

“I’m going to feel some water,” she says standing up. “Come on join me.”

“No way in hell,” Levi opposites. “It must be fucking freezing.”

“Come on, we’ll get used to it eventually,” she presses but goes away before waiting for an answer from him. She walks into the sea, he can see the tremble on her shoulders.

“You’re gonna be sick Hange. Don’ be fucking ridiculous.”

“No, it’s okay.” She waves at him encouragingly. “Come on, Leviiii! Pleeaseee!”

“For fuck’s sake,” he grunts but finds himself removing his shoes and socks and folding his trousers up. He walks into the sea carefully and greets his teeth at how cold it is.

“We are going to fucking freeze to death.”

Hange laughs and gets closer to him. “Relax, nothing’s gonna happen to you.” She bends down a little and soaks her hands into the water and after straightening up cups his face with her wet and cold hands.

“What the fuck—”

His whole body tenses and he looks angrily at her face. But she is focused on her hands which are positioned on his face right now. She travels her thumbs on his cheekbones with a tender touch and Levi feels a tremble going up against his spine that is not about the coldness of the water at all.

“What are you doing?” He asks, voice normal this time. His heart beats faster. “Hange?”

“I’m wiping your tears away,” she says. “Did you know that people can cry without shedding tears and it is scientifically proven?”

“No,” he says. He looks at her lips and realizes how close they are. Her hands get warmer with each passing second and her breath touches his skin.

“You are not going to say it is bullshit?”

He shakes his head slightly. “I think it is true.”

Hange lowers her head and rests her forehead against his. Levi closes his eyes, takes the smell of her shampoo mixed with water and salt. “I’m so sorry, Levi.”

“Don’t be,” he says.

Then, she kisses him.

Her lips are soft and a little cold. They move slowly against his lips. The chilly water washes their ankles and the occasional wind blows their hair. Levi tilts his head a little to deepen the kiss. His hands move to either side of her waist. His tongue brush against her lips and he tastes both bitter salt and warm sunlight. Hange sighs against his mouth, her hand combs the hair on his forehead back.

“Hey,” Hange says when they pull apart. “I think I don’t feel my feet,” she continues finishing the sentence with a laugh.

His lips stir. His feet are incredibly cold too but he says, “Shut up,” and kisses her again.

* * *

When he rides back to the campus later that night, her arms are around his waist and her chin is propped upon his shoulder. Her hair touches his cheek when the wind blows.

“Levi,” she says. He shifts his head slightly indicating that he is listening. “I’ve made a decision.”

Levi hums and raises a single brow. “About what?”

She tightens her arms around his waist. “I will be your Charles,” she says. “But on one condition.”

His eyes widen at her unexpected words. “On what condition?”

“You will be my Sebastian.”

Levi blinks a few times. “Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

She rubs her chin on his shoulder. “I’ve changed the roles.”

Levi rides silently for a few seconds before asking, “Why?”

“Because you need to learn to love,” she responds and turns her head and rests her cheek on his shoulder. “And I need to learn to be loved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I hope there are no mistakes this time but if there are I deeply apolagize*  
> Thank you so much for reading ^^


	3. Chapter 3

There is a hill near the campus, popular among the students. It is crowded especially in this time of the year when the air is new and fresh, the sun is not burning hot but shining warm, and the smell of the newborn nature is evident. From where he watches, the view is distant, high residences rising to the sky and trees standing like little people amongst giants. A wide, clear lake reflects the midday sky. Around him the students chatter, their voices fill his ears as a reminder of reality. Sitting here, the scene is almost picturesque, save for the buildings. Yet nature and manmade do not look so out of place together. From a certain distance that is. When you are not a part of it but merely a gazer.

“Enjoying the view?”

He blinks his eyes a few times and turns to look at the source of the voice. Hange smiles at him, her eyes shining bright with the aid of the sun.

_Speaking of picturesque..._

“You are late,” he indicates while she settles herself down on the grass. Stretching her legs, she pours herself a cup of tea from the thermos Levi had brought with himself.

“Yeah, sorry. Got caught up with Moblit.” She takes a sip from her tea and stiffens because of how hot it is.

A muscle moves in his jaw. “Moblit?”

She nods, completely unaware of Levi’s annoyance. “About our newest experiment. He finds some quite interesting things.”

Levi grunts and turns his eyes back to the view in front of him but he no more sees happy peaceful images. Now everything is black and white. And he hates how a single word coming from her has the power to change his mood. He thinks about what she had said to him, about a week ago on their way to the campus. _You need to learn to love and I need to learn to be loved._ They hadn’t had the chance to talk about it since then. It is one of the reasons why he had called her here. And also because he wanted to see her. Something has changed between them and he wants to make sure that it is not something temporary.

“Hey,” she bumps her shoulder against his. “Why did you call me here for?”

He stares at her eyes, watching him curiously and irrelevant but thinks about kissing her again. Instead takes a sip from his tea. “I thought we could talk.”

“Okay,” she says. “About what?”

She tilts her head a little, her glasses have slipped a little down. Levi is sure she knows, maybe she doesn’t care about it as much as he does. Or maybe he is just overthinking.

“You kissed me,” he says.

“I did,” she says smiling. “And you kissed me too.”

“Yeah,” he sighs and tears his eyes away from her. “What am I trying for? We are hopeless.” 

Hange laughs and gets a little closer to him. Shoulders touching, she leans in as if to see him more clearly. “What makes you think that? I think we are okay.”

When he responds to her stare he realizes how close they are. His heart taps fast against his ribcage. “It has been a week.”

“It has,” she approves. “And you still haven’t given me an answer.”

Levi knows what she is talking about. During the past week, he had thought about whether he needs to give an answer or not. He doesn’t know why everything is so hard with her. They had kissed and that should’ve been enough. But somehow it is not because Hange has the capacity to make a very simple matter complicated. To love and being loved are not things that Levi thinks so much about. But he had, within one week and it has exhausted him. Not that there is so much to think about though. He had known his answer from the very beginning.

“It’s okay,” Hange says assuring him when he stays silent for much longer than needed. “You don’t need to.”

Who is she fooling? He can see the disappointment she tries to hide. It is easy to tell a sunny and a cloudy day apart after all.

“Okay,” he says. And watches every single star dying out in her eyes. Then adds, “I’ll be your fucking Sebastian.”

It is like decorating a tree with plenty of little lambs and watching they lighting up all once. A big, pretty smile illuminates her face. Fresh spring wind slowly blows and the leaves on the branches of the plane tree rustle quietly.

“But I won’t walk around carrying a fucking teddy bear,” Levi indicates flatly.

She laughs, it is like hearing his favourite song out of nowhere. He watches the way the sun plays with the deep brown tones of her hair, revealing almost a reddish colour.

“It is a shame that Valentine’s Day is already over.”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he says frowning but reaches out to move the stray hair fallen on her face back. She leans against his touch, the smile never leaving her lips. Then shifts a little to rest her head against his shoulder. Levi hesitates at first, all kinds of physical contact is weird for him but at last, he decides that he has to at least put his arm around her shoulder. And he does.

“It is weird,” Hange says, signs of laughter in her voice. “But good.”

Levi hums. She looks up at him and he decides at that moment that watching her hadn’t been a bad idea at all. Life is fucking short and the world is full of pain and blood. The things a pair of mortal eyes can see are limited. He remembers Hange saying something about Charles and Sebastian, about hem being the exact opposites of each other like Yin and Yang. Shadow and light, night and day, push and pull. He understands then that this is what it is about. Completing yourself with someone else, to see the brighter and darker sides and to have a sense of home.

His lips turn upright with a smile and under the shadow of a tree, feeling the warmth of the sun he leans in to kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story took a slightly different path than I planned it to be before I started to write. Especially the second chapter, it just got out of hand and thus I had to cut the ending short. Shorter than I planned it to be... I’m really sorry and thank you again so much for your lovely comments. I appreciate every single word you gave to me. And thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> I read this over a lot but there still might be grammar mistakes that I overlooked. I apologize for that.
> 
> *that quote Hange read is from the Notes part in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, Penguin Classics edition. I changed some parts so that it would fit better. Also I don’t know if this is commonly known but when I first read about this elements thing it really fansicanted me so I wanted to use it here too. 
> 
> Comments are very very much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading! ^^


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